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Jon Stewart Lets It Slip He Thinks Denis Leary Is A Raging Asshole [Short Ends]

Posted: November 19th, 2008, 8:58pm EST by Seth

newVideoPlayer("/dailyshow_learyautism_gawker.flv", 506, 423,""); · In fact, he says so in this clip. Oh, and Leary defends his theory that most autistic kids are in actuality "stupid. Or lazy. Or both." Apparently that quote from his book was taken entirely out of context. Correction appended!
· Kevin Spacey takes a pretty unequivocal stand on Prop 8.
· Do you have Obama Cabinet Fever? We do! And we can get right behind Health and Human Services appointee Sally Jesse Raphael. Wait—what?
· Ooh—the claws are really coming out in the ongoing Project Runway fracas. Lifetime is filing a countersuit against Bravo, NBC Universal, and the Weinsteins. Models, this is also a litigious competition for you, as well.
· Hey—squirrels dancing to Michael Jackson!

World's Worst Publicist Gets Client Tossed From Thanksgiving Day Parade [Turkeys]

Posted: November 19th, 2008, 8:39pm EST by STV

Update time! Last week we introduced you to Jonathan Jaxson, the incompetent publicist/Perez-sexing gossip who went spectacularly public with the worst PR strategy in the history of flackdom: Start a nude-photo scandal with his Disney-star client Adrienne Bailon. It was bad beyond a reasonable doubt then, and it bottomed out this week when Bailon and her Cheetah Girls cohorts were effectively booted from performing at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Macy's deflected blame to the group itself, with a rep telling Fox that the Girls were confirmed to appear Nov. 27, "but due to scheduling issues they could not make it." No one's sure what those scheduling issues are, though, considering that Bailon and Co. have the day off during their tour's East Coast swing — and Jaxson isn't returning requests for comment.

But that's OK! Tune in to Jaxson's next appearance on his local CBS affiliate in Atlanta, where he'll spend his weekly commentary segment once again spinning how this scenario helps his young star, as though losing an audience of roughly 54 million viewers ultimately has her career right where she wants it. Keep up the good work, Jax!

Not Family Friendly? [Fox News]

Miranda Lee Richards, Skating, 'Rose' [To Do]

Posted: November 19th, 2008, 8:15pm EST by Seth

· Miranda Lee Richards at Tangier, Dub Club at the Echoplex, and Josh "Mr. Katherine Heigl" Kelley at the Hotel Cafe.
· Go skating! It's time for Ice at Santa Monica.
· Touching childhood gender-identity tale—or as Barbara Walters would put it, "A girl with a dick"—Ma vie en rose screens at 7:30 at the Egyptian Theatre.

Jennifer Aniston's Friends Just Not That Into Her [Jennifer Aniston]

Posted: November 19th, 2008, 8:00pm EST by Kyle Buchanan

When she's not dancing through her Malibu mansion belting "Single Ladies (Put a Ring On it)" into her hairbrush, Jennifer Aniston likes to curl up with a good book and a bad singer and watch a little TV (Stars! They're just like us — well, not us us, because we've got a cobwebbed DVR list that still includes episodes of this exciting new show called "Presidential Debates" that we have yet to finish. Don't spoil us!). During her sojourn on the sofa, Aniston has rediscovered all twenty-eight seasons of her hit tee-vee show Friends, an exciting development that her actual friends are quick to poop all over:

"There are times I don’t even remember that particular show. This is horrible to say, but there are times when I laugh my rear end off," she says. "And I get in debates with people who are over and say, 'Friends' is not my thing.' Excuse you!"

Kinda bitchy, John Mayer! Let Jen crack up to "The One Where Chandler's Weight Fluctuated Wildly" — where's the harm?

Jen Aniston Wishes New Movie Was Called "She's Just Not That Into You" [Us]

R.I.P. Irving Brecher died Monday at Cedars-Sinai ... [Passings]

Posted: November 19th, 2008, 7:44pm EST by Seth

R.I.P. Irving Brecher died Monday at Cedars-Sinai at the age of 94. Not familiar with that name? You're more than likely familiar with his writing: He wrote Meet Me In St. Louis, Life of Riley, the Marx Brothers's At the Circus and Go West, and did uncredited punch-up on The Wizard of Oz. From Go West:
"S. Quentin Quale: Didn't we meet at Monte Carlo the night you blew your brains out?"
[USA Today]

Keep 'Pushing Daisies' Alive With A Touch Of Your Remote [Watch, TiVo, Kill]

Posted: November 19th, 2008, 7:28pm EST by McCluskey and Miller

We can't help but wonder if each airing will be the last for our colorful, quirky friend Pushing Daisies. Even Rupert Murdoch has caught the PD fever, as the Post is imploring all y'all to at least TiVo tonight's show. But that'll mean you won't be able to record Coolio's Rules on Oxygen and Sandwich Paradise on Travel at the same time. You'll live .

WATCH

Pushing Daisies [8 PM, ABC] - Enjoy it while you still can. This week, Ned (Lee Pace) agrees to help "The Great Hermann" (Fred Willard), when the magician's animal assistants begin to die mysteriously. Meanwhile, Lily (Swoosie Kurtz) is suspicious of (Stephen Root) Dwight's intentions. We're glad to see our favorite hard-drinking, eye-patched Charles sister, even if it's one of the last times.

Stylista [9 PM, CW] - Even though this week's episode rips off a scene from The Devil Wears Prada (assistants have to memorize high-profile guest info so they can instantly provide it to Anne Slowey at a social affair) we still are obsessed with this show. For the social event of the season, each contestant is allowed to borrow an item from Elle's closet. If Kate wins, as we hope, look for her to get a show where she rips off Anne Slowey ripping off Meryl Streep.

South Park [10 PM, Comedy Central] - Season finale from the Mormon Musical creators. Cartman's Goth classmates get angry when students can't tell the difference between them and new vampires around the school. Vampires are so hot right now, and yet no one has noticed that 60 Minutes has been mostly vampires since Bill Plante left.

TiVo

America's Next Top Model [8 PM, CW] - On a side note, congratulations to Isis on the announcement of her Tyra-negotiated sex-reassignment surgery. In tonight's season finale, the three remaining contestants shoot a cosmetics commercial and then walk a Dr. Seuss runway to determine who the winner will be. Who thinks it will be anyone other than McKey?

Law & Order [10 PM, NBC] - Jena Malone guest-stars as a wife who runs away from the leader of a polygamist sect. We haven't heard anything, but if she appears on Big Love, it will complete the rare acting career religious confusion trifecta.

KILL

Chocolate News [10:30 PM, Comedy Central] David Alan Greer, though funny, is still doing jokes from when crack was just becoming popular. His riffs on Obama have been very strong and with The Daily Show and Colbert Report following his program, we'd like DAG to do more from the black political perspective, rather than the black crazy-characters-in-bad-make-up-talking-about-crack perspective.

Biography: Shaun Cassidy [11 PM, Bio] - A profile of former teen idol, Shaun Cassidy. It's too bad David Cassidy's life was so crazy, because no one likes being the normal Cassidy.

Winona Ryder Arrives in London Via Unconventional 'Ambulance Shuttle' [Emergencies]

Posted: November 19th, 2008, 7:11pm EST by STV

A shaken world held its breath today as news surfaced that Winona Ryder was whisked to a London hospital after "falling ill" on a flight from LA. Nothing to see here, her publicist said this afternoon — unless you count the British Airways crew requesting a priority landing at Heathrow when an unnamed female passenger "required medical attention." That's our Winona!

Ryder rep Nancy Buxbaum later explained that the actress was admitted only as a "precautionary measure," assuring the AP that there was no emergency and that Ryder was discharged in short order. The airline wasn't much more help, issuing only a statement that its crew radioed ahead to land as soon as possible to get the sick Oscar-nominee to a doctor:

"Our cabin crew looked after the female passenger as much as they could onboard and our passenger services staff also accompanied her to the local hospital," the statement said. "We wish her well."

As do we. The shmucks at the AP, meanwhile, tastefully point out Ryder's history with prescription drugs, but we're not ones to presume anything; rather, we leave that to our readers. Speaking of whom, Hollywood PrivacyWatch bonus points to any tipsters with information leading to the arrest and capture of Ryder's airborne crisis — preferably with pictures. We know it's midnight in London, but step forward at your earliest convenience.

Winona Ryder Briefly Hospitalized [People]

WINONA RYDER HOSPITALIZED [AP]

Buffalo Bill-esque Fan Induces Brad Pitt Panic Attack On 'Oprah' [It Pitts The Lotion In The Basket]

Posted: November 19th, 2008, 6:45pm EST by Seth

newVideoPlayer("/Oprah_Brad_Tattoos.flv", 506, 423,"");A man as famous as Brad Pitt is accustomed to enjoying a comfortable buffer between himself and any Jane Q. Psychotic with a Skype account. So when Oprah Winfrey ambushed him on today's broadcast with—delight of delights!—highly specific questions regarding his various Brangelina tribal markings from a flesh-curious fan on internet video phone, it's not entirely surprising that his reaction involved sweaty palms, fidgety body language, and lateral pupil vibration. Watch him squirm as he politely defers at first, then finally cuts Creepalina off as she launches into her description of the part of his body she probably thinks would make the best handbag. [Oprah]

BREAKING: Six of seven CA Supreme Court agreed ... [Prop 8]

Posted: November 19th, 2008, 6:15pm EST by Seth

BREAKING: Six of seven CA Supreme Court agreed today to review the legal challenges to Prop 8 brought by married same-sex couples. Until they rule, all further same-sex marriages are suspended, and the status of those already wed remains to be determined. What are the chances they'll overturn the challenge? Slim, but they have done so in the past: "In 1966, the California Supreme Court struck down an initiative that would have permitted racial discrimination in housing. Voters had approved the measure, a repeal of a fair housing law, by a 2-to-1 margin." Hang in there, D.L. Hughley—we realize how confusing all of this can be! [LAT]

Kim Masters Attempts to Lay Out Defamer-Sourced Case for Ben Silverman's Homosexuality [Gays]

Posted: November 19th, 2008, 6:04pm EST by Kyle Buchanan

We consider ourselves connoisseurs of beleaguered (but enthusiastic!) NBC chief Ben Silverman, so we were a little surprised when we heard that Kim Masters had published a rumor roundup on The Daily Beast today that included three whole paragraphs tracking speculation that Silverman might be gay. Had our gaydar been scrambled by distinctly unfabulous shows like My Own Worst Enemy and Project Lipstick, we wondered? Then we read the article, in which Masters (citing Defamer as her primary source) appears to lay out her entire same-sex case by mistaking some of our "funny ha-has" for actual, industry-pervading rumors:

Silverman popped up intermittently as a caller to best friend Ryan Seacrest’s radio show on KIIS-FM, and the two seemed to enjoy fueling speculation about their private lives. The NBC chief is known for squiring around young women, but there were so many references to West Hollywood that the website Defamer marveled, “Who knew that Silverman and Seacrest were so well-versed about the gay goings-on [there]?”

At one point, Seacrest noted that Silverman was celebrating his birthday (his 38th) and told him, “You are my cake, I am your candle.” When Seacrest asked Silverman what he was wearing, the line went dead.

A few weeks later, in September, Silverman accepted an award for NBC’s commitment to diversity at Outfest. “I debated whether or not to say this, as I am a bit of a press target,” he said. According to an account in The Advocate, those in the audience collectively inhaled, “waiting for him to come out.” No such luck. “No, it’s not me,” Silverman continued. “But my mother is gay.”

As amused as we are by Masters's next sentence ("None of this would matter if Silverman had come up with an outsize hit for NBC" — yes, who would even care if he was a 'mo if Kath & Kim had 95% retention from Earl?), we feel we should clarify that we don't actually think Silverman is gay. Frankly, the idea of Silverman and Seacrest engaging in some man-on-man schmoozing in which hair gel is used for things that hair gel ought not be used for is enough to turn us Mormon — and that's saying something!

Ben Silverman's Unlikely Rise [The Daily Beast]

Cheer Leaders: In giving visitors the rare ... [Making Spirits Bright]

Posted: November 19th, 2008, 5:30pm EST by STV

Cheer Leaders: In giving visitors the rare curatorial opportunity to program two week of holiday-TV classics, The Paley Center has unearthed some seasonal gems from the deepest reaches of pop-culture oblivion. And we mean deepest — why settle for Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer when you can enjoy rare treats including A Rugrats Kwanzaa Special, Lamb Chop’s Special Chanukah and Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol? Voters can select up to five choices from a list comprising 50 years of holiday specials, with the option to write in any favorites the museum might have overlooked. Which, of course, always brings us back to A Solid Gold Christmas. Vote early, vote often; winners will screen Dec. 10-24. [Paley Center]

Anne Hathaway's New Man Accused of Shameless Heiress-Chasing [Anne Hathaway]

Posted: November 19th, 2008, 5:01pm EST by STV

Anne Hathaway has been teasing us for a while now about her mysterious new companion Adam Shulman, dropping anonymous hints about her "sexy" rebound from Raffaello Follieri before being snapped by the fledgling actor's side on a recent New Orleans sojourn. And today, an "insider" has another, less romantic theory as to why Shulman puts up with Hathaway foraging crumbs from his dinner plate: He's using her.

Or so says a source who tattled to Page Six: "Adam is known as an opportunist. When he was at Brown [University], he went after all the heiresses. It's like Anne is addicted to losers." Hold it — can you be more specific? Because we've heard Hathaway isn't what you'd call a cheap date, and nobody actually dates for love in this town anyway, do they? Then again, he got this far without having to vaccinate any poor kids or build someone a house, so maybe he is all about the shortcuts.

ANNE'S NEW GUY [NYP]

Hey, Ari: Hope You're Enjoying That Power-Breakfast Bagel! [Agents]

Posted: November 19th, 2008, 4:45pm EST by Seth

Behold the splendor that is Mark "The Cobrasnake" Hunter, splayed in nothing but skivvies and white loafers across the fabled Endeavor conference table. (40-foot long Corian, white laminated glass, stainless steel, hand-carved by an ancient order of Unicorn Panda craftsmen—you know the one.)

And how did the ubiquitous hipster documentarian penetrate the inner sanctum of Hollywood's Wormhole to the White House™? We're not entirely sure, but we know partner Tom Strickler signed off on it, and even answered some interview questions left for him on a whiteboard. (Cobrasnake: "What is the best advice you can offer someone starting in the mail room at Endeavor?" Strickler: "Work work work work work work.") There's also some great shots of life behind the scenes at the Hollywood power-brokerage—everything from 189-line telephones to bedraggled assistants to Strickler and his team of hardworking baby-devourers themselves. Ari Emanuel, however, is nowhere to be found. Nice work, Cobrasnake! Now put some pants on.

More photos:

[Photo credits: Mark "The Cobrasnake" Hunter]
[Except the one of Lloyd. That's just a joke.]

Endeavor [The Selby]

'Real Housewife' NeNe Finally Gets the 411 on Anderson Cooper [Real Housewives Of Atlanta]

Posted: November 19th, 2008, 4:32pm EST by Kyle Buchanan

Long-distance love affairs conducted only in the press are difficult to maintain — even moreso when one of the parties is carrying around a little bitty secret. So it is, then, that the relationship between CNN newsman Anderson Cooper and Real Housewives of Atlanta breakout NeNe Leakes appears to have culminated after weeks of Ellen-assisted flirting. At first, Leakes seemed flattered by Cooper's ardor, but in her current interview with People magazine, she appears to know exactly what she's up against:

“I’m not surprised that Anderson Cooper is talking about me! Wouldn’t you talk about me? I’m not surprised. Anderson Cooper is gorgeous. He is THE silver fox, and I just wish he’d come over on this side of the street.

Is Leakes merely inviting Cooper to take a sun-dappled, leafy stroll through the ATL, or is she subtly implying that Cooper is more likely to stick to the side of the street that has a Kiehl's superstore and a 2-for-1 special at Splash? Though Leakes is cagey enough to pre-empt a rash of "NeNe Outs HoMo" headlines, we're just going to assume that when she made that statement, her cleavage winked ostentatiously.

NeNe: 5 Ways Housewives Has Changed My Life [People]

Suri Cruise Escapes With Hard-Fought Victory in Hollywood Baby Power Rankings [Powerbabies]

Posted: November 19th, 2008, 4:01pm EST by STV

Because no nursery is complete without a stack of aspirational tabloid fodder, the influence-gatherers at Forbes have revived their gloriously obscene annual survey of "Hollywood's Hottest Tots." And this year, after much plotting and Scientological back-room lobbying on her behalf, we're thrilled to see 2007's first runner-up Suri Cruise finally usurp Shiloh Jolie-Pitt in a bloody, Gerbers-smeared skirmish for top-toddler supremacy. And, "in a sinking economy," the editors note competition is only going to get tougher from here:

With a growing need to generate magazine sales and Web traffic in a softening economy, media outlets are increasingly turning to stars that are both much-loved and highly reliable. [...]

As the economy heads toward what many predict is a recession, these adorable kids — and the desire to chronicle their upbringings — may become more important than ever. Simply put, fawning over celebrities and their picturesque families may be just the sort of distraction people need. [...] Dina Sansing, entertainment director for Us Weekly agrees:"It's much more fun to look at cute pictures of Suri," she says, "than think about how much your 401(k) has decreased."

But the recession has some babies pretty hard as well: Dannielynn Birkhead was shipped off to infant Palookaville after last year's No. 7 tie with Madonna's Malawian prize David Banda; she was replaced by newcomer Matilda Rose Ledger. Sean Preston Federline plunged from No. 4 to No. 9; his score suffered from his selfish mother's relative reclusion from the tabloid glare for much of the last year. And think of the celebrity diaper-fillers whose oversights will no doubt demand reckoning: Look for aggressive '09 campaigns for Tina Fey's daughter Alice, the latest Trump offspring and up-and-comer Trig Palin to commence immediately, if they haven't already.

Hollywood's Hottest Tots [Forbes]

5 Secrets Revealed By the New 'Lost' Season 5 Poster [Lost]

Posted: November 19th, 2008, 3:45pm EST by Kyle Buchanan

· The island escapees have reconvened in Century City.

· Left-behind leaders Juliet and Sawyer are clearly going to "do it." This will set up a love square that will only reach its last inevitable permutation when a jealous Smoke Monster catches Sawyer and Jack snuggling after a Season 6 CPR session turns unexpectedly amorous.

· Jeremy Davies's bid to change his season-long "skinny tie" costume to a form-fitting tank top and cutoff jeans has still been rejected by producers.

· The exclusion of original cast members Emilie de Ravin (Claire) and Daniel Dae Kim (Jin) can mean only one thing: a sassy, Private Practice-like spinoff!

· In the tradition of "What's in the hatch?" and "Who are the Oceanic Six?", Season 5 will tease out its overarching mystery, "Just how much chest hair does Jack have right now anyway?" for as long as is humanly possible.

First Official Season 5 Poster [DarkUFO]

Flavor Savers. While we can say with some ... [Milk]

Posted: November 19th, 2008, 3:34pm EST by Seth

Flavor Savers. While we can say with some confidence that we got the mustache beat covered, BestWeekEver.tv is doing some wonderful work in the realm of celebrity beard sciences. Today they bestow their First Annual Milk NYC Premiere Beard Awards. Each was later presented with its own Golden Beardie— a trophy which, legend has it, was modeled after Mimi Rogers's naked, neglected body. Heads up: Valentino has a naked face, but will not fail to surprise and delight. [BWE]

Race-And-Gay-Baiting ABC Reporter Susan Donaldson James Unclear On Concept Of 'Double Indemnity' [Prop 8]

Posted: November 19th, 2008, 3:12pm EST by Seth

ABCNews.com was way ahead of the Prop 8 curve, promoting early debate on what would evolve into the hot button topic of the day with such non-award-winning reportage from the front lines of the sexual-orientation culture wars as "Stars' Gay Marriage Possible Career Suicide," and "H'wood's Bisexual Double Standard: Hot for Girls, Gross for Guys." Today, they once again enter the emotional fray, with a sensitively argued think-piece entitled "Prop 8 Sparks Gay-Black Divide: Wanda Sykes Comes Out Amid Black Homophobia and Interracial Division Between Gays." It begins:

"When comedian Wanda Sykes disclosed during a rally in Las Vegas this week that she has been in a same-sex marriage since October, no one cheered louder than those who face the double indemnity of being black and gay."

"Double indemnity?" Yes, growing up black and gay is a lot like a life insurance clause payable upon accidental death. Thanks for your keen, not-at-all-exploitative insights into this sensitive issue, Susan Donaldson James. Why aren't we surprised you also happen to be the writer of "Stars' Gay Marriage Possible Career Suicide?"

Bonus STFU Link: D.L. Hughley explains to Dan Savage how he isn't "particularly homophobic, but when I read the bill, I found it confusing." Kind of like how we find his fame confusing, and the fact that CNN has given him a show confusing.

Prop 8 Sparks Gay-Black Divide [ABCNews.com]

Whoa: The opening night film at the Sundance ... [Sundance Film Festival]

Posted: November 19th, 2008, 2:56pm EST by Kyle Buchanan

Whoa: The opening night film at the Sundance Film Festival is typically regarded as pedestrian fare, so we had little hope for this year's selection. Then, this morning, programmers announced the 2009 pick: Mary and Max, a claymation movie starring Toni Collette and Philip Seymour Hoffman, narrated by Dame Edna. We could only be more excited if Hoffman's wrinkly avatar somehow resembles Omar from The Wire. [Sundance]

Coming Up On 'Today': Boobs! Er, Carla Bruni! [Today]

Posted: November 19th, 2008, 2:37pm EST by Kyle Buchanan

newVideoPlayer("/Today_Carla_Bruni_Tape.flv", 506, 423,""); Except for the simmering, hate-fucky annoyance that Matt Lauer dishes out to Ann Curry on a daily basis, Today had always existed in a G-rated realm of sexuality until this past fall, when the gloves — and the blouses — came off. First, Marcia Brady revealed touching tales of family-bred syphilis, then the bastard son of Jay Thomas doffed his shirt to reveal some silky lingerie. Today, though, Lauer had to contend with a producer who blew his throw to commercial with a rather distracting, extreme close-up of French First Lady Carla Bruni's rack. It was while watching this show that Barack Obama turned to Michelle and said, "You're only doing GMA from now on." [Today]

'X-Men' Latest Franchise To Be Hit By The CW-ing Of Sci-Fi [Trade Roundup]

Posted: November 19th, 2008, 2:22pm EST by Seth

· The O.C. and Gossip Girl creator Josh Schwartz has been hired to write X-Men: First Class, featuring a "younger set of mutants." Pyro's gonna go totally psycho on Rogue and burn all her dress designs! [Variety]
· McCain-stumping cultural barnacle Patricia Heaton continues to work, this time in ABC sitcom The Middle, about which we could give a shit. [THR]
· Disney and Imax have paired for a five-movie deal that begins with Robert Zemeckis's motion-capture A Christmas Carol, and probably ends with 10,000 amazingly lifelike chihuahua-asses shaking in your face. [Variety]

After the jump: What modern Asian monster classic is about to be improved immeasurably by Hollywood? We know you want to know!

· Korean toxic-sludge monster movie The Host gets a Hollywood remake, produced by Gore Verbinski and with commercials director Fredrik Bond behind the camera. It's a production that should provide a nice marketing tie-in for Burger King's planned sandwich launch, the BK Tapeworm Broiler. [Variety]
· The Chronicles of Narnia and Prince Caspian writing duo Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely have been hired to write First Avenger: Captain America. This is really happening, guys! You can officially start getting really jazzed now! [THR]

First 'Twilight' Reviews Confirm Appeal Among Girls, Cheesy FX Fans [Critics]

Posted: November 19th, 2008, 1:55pm EST by STV

Twilight is likely critic-proof, but that's not stopping Summit Entertainment from enforcing a punishable-by-death review embargo until 12:01 a.m. on Friday. Which would explain why today — two days after its chaotic premiere, the morning after the first press screenings, and in a period of seemingly open rebellion against those oppressive studio strictures — not a single official review has yet emerged anywhere online. (UPDATE: In the last hour, embargo-exempt Variety begged to differ!) Unless you count a couple of critics who've backdoored their ways into saying it's pretty much the hormonal goth trifle you'd imagine.

Michael Phillips first teased readers with his "non-review" late Tuesday, which seemed review-y enough to us:

The film is low-keyed supernaturalism. [...] The leads look pretty together. Kristen Stewart, who played the desert wild child in Into the Wild, enters Deep Smolder Mode (Celibate Division) earnestly and well with Robert Pattinson. [...] If Twilight performs below expectations at the box office, it may have something to do with…the special effects, which are not special. They are, in fact, on the cheesy side.

Why stop there, Michael? The Summit hit men are no doubt on their way, with Phillips likely the first victim in a multi-state spree that will next target Jeffrey Wells — even if he did seem to like it:

I can at least describe a conversation I had with a sharp Manhattan female columnist in the outer foyer. "Whadja think?" I asked. "I liked it!," she said, nodding and wearing a serene little smile that spoke of resolution. Then she quickly added, perhaps thinking I was a hater and not wanting to argue, "I'm a girl." And I said, "And I'm a guy and I don't think it was half bad! In its own realm it works. And Pattinson is great! And Kristin Stewart is such a good actress that she knows how to finagle her dialogue and it all goes down pretty smoothly."

"In its own realm" = the estrogen class. As such, Wells is less guardedly optimistic about Twilight's box-office chances, comparing its x-chromosome muscle to Titanic's and predicting a possible $200 million finish. Nice try, sir; that spin will still get you broken kneecaps. And you'll need to register yourself as an embargo offender when you get home; good luck telling your neighbors.

'Twight': A Non-Review [Talking Pictures]

Turnaround [Hollywood Elsewhere]

Permalink for 'Defamer/2008/11/19/_Miley_Cyrus_s_Faux_Coyness_Calibrated_To_Tell_You_All_You_Need_To_Know_About_How_Much_Underwear_Model_Ass_She_s_Getting__Miley_Cyrus_'

Miley Cyrus's Faux-Coyness Calibrated To Tell You All You Need To Know About How Much Underwear-Model Ass She's Getting [Miley Cyrus]

Posted: November 19th, 2008, 1:30pm EST by Seth

newVideoPlayer("/miley_ellen.flv", 506, 423,"");Miley Cyrus kicked off her "I Wasn't Killed By a Drunk Driver, Regardless of What My Hacked YouTube Page Sez! :D" tour with a stop at Ellen DeGeneres's show, which won't air until tomorrow. Ellen has become somewhat of a tween superstar guidance counselor in recent weeks, having lent Taylor Swift a shoulder to cry on as the country star recounted her brutal, half-minute Jonas brother tele-dumping. Cyrus, however, proved a tougher nut to crack, offering nothing but a series of guttural grunts and snorts in response to DeGeneres's line of underwear-model-boyfriend questioning. So embarrassed is she by the prospect of revealing the true nature of her relationship with the recipient of her obscene, catwalk-side tongue-gestures, Cyrus eventually tumbles sideways inside her chair—a bout of forced-coyness rendered all the more unsettling by her raspy giggles of fake embarrassment. *Shudder.* [Ellen]

Britney Admits Her Marriage Was The Sort of Mistake Even Autotune Can't Fix [Britney Spears]

Posted: November 19th, 2008, 1:15pm EST by Kyle Buchanan

Now that a sober, nicely-weaved Britney Spears has had time to peruse her own Wikipedia entry, she's finally coming to grips with the things she barely remembers doing in a misty haze of Red Bull, Benzos, and Hot Pocket chicken fajitas. "What the hell was I thinking?" she once asked, and now, in a new clip from Britney: For the Record, she applies that question to her short-lived marriage to Kevin Federline. Sadly, in news that will surely dash hopes of a reconciliation, she admits that both Federline and his kick game were ridiculous. "I think I married for all the wrong reasons," she says. "I just did it because...for just, like, the idea of everything." Let this be a lesson: even though the fantasy of two souls exchanging vows in customized Juicy Couture "pimp" sweatpants is compelling, it's no reason to be hasty. Clip after the jump!

Soloist Silenced Even Longer: Paramount announced ... [Spring Cleaning]

Posted: November 19th, 2008, 12:52pm EST by STV

Soloist Silenced Even Longer: Paramount announced Tuesday that it's pushing back The Soloist yet again, this time to April 24. The studio surprised even its former DreamWorks partners last month by drop-kicking the Robert Downey Jr./Jamie Foxx drama into 2009, culminating in an unceremonious dump-and-run in March and its withdrawal from the opening-night slot at last month's AFI Fest. The move is yet another slap in the face to the 'Works, whose loss of an '08 Oscar contender is only compounded by The Soloist's new, utterly insurmountable April competition Vanilla Gorilla. Insult, meet injury. [Variety]

Your Hugh Jackman 'Sexiest Man Alive 2008' Keepsake Poster [Championship Hunks]

Posted: November 19th, 2008, 12:36pm EST by Seth

People's annual crowning of the Sexiest Man Alive is a treasured tradition as ancient as the celebrity publication itself—a jubilant coronation followed by a week of Sexy Man festivities, capped by the delicious spit-roasting of the Sexiest Suckling Alive.

Strict term-limits kept the hands of editors tied this year, preventing them from bestowing yet another win upon double-title-holding SMA all-stars George Clooney and Brad Pitt. The search therefore extended beyond U.S. borders—something they were reluctant to do after the debacle that was Sean Connery's 1989 win—and eventually landed upon debonair star of stage and screen Hugh Jackman, who was quickly certified following an exhaustive, 150-point mechanical and appearance Sexy Man inspection. Jackman just happens to star in Baz Luhrmann's blockbuster romance Australia, set to open momentarily around the globe, but a People rep assured us the timing is purely serendipitous, and the actor "would have still been our choice even if he was high-kicking it eight times a week in Paul!: The Paul Lynde Musical on Broadway."

As our gift to you, we've created this keepsake Hugh Jackman: People's Sexiest Man Alive 2008 poster, suitable for framing.

Hugh Jackman: The Sexiest Man Alive [People]

Stephen Baldwin Comes Around on Obama, Still Hates Gays [Broken Promises]

Posted: November 19th, 2008, 12:05pm EST by STV

After all our trouble wrangling up moving boxes and change-of-address forms, Stephen Baldwin has officially reversed his decision to relocate to Canada. Reports this morning say that the bitter Republican convert was just joking about that pre-election pledge to head north in the instance of a Barack Obama victory, adding that the whole mess amounted to less a broken promise than yet another grave misunderstanding by humorless liberals. Whoops! Now we're told he even likes Obama:

"The liberal Democrats who didn't get that I was joking need to lighten up," the born-again Christian told Page Six. "Obama is obviously talented and intelligent, and I have great respect for the man. He's got my full support, and I'm gonna be praying for him and his administration."

Oh. Our bad, we guess, but let there be no mistaking his regard for the gays, whom he still loathes enough to submit to a Billy Ray Cyrus ass-tattoo if/when same-sex marriage is legalized nationwide. Not much of a concession considering his recent history, but we'll launch a Facebook club on its behalf just in case. Anything to help the cause!

OBAMA'S OK AFTER ALL! [NYP]

'Star Trek: Peach Pit Nine' [Short Ends]

Posted: November 18th, 2008, 8:55pm EST by Seth

newVideoPlayer("/trek_90210.flv", undefined, NaN,""); · You know, the new youth-skewed and sexed-up Star Trek does seem uncomfortably well-suited for the 90210 market. We bet there's even a part for Tori Spelling! [Thanks, Metroville]
· Sacha Baron Cohen has a brother: Erran Baron Cohen. And Erran Baron Cohen has a record: Songs in the Key of Hanukkah. Want to know more? Oh. Well here's the link anyway.
· We don't know what Peter Bart is complaining about: Variety has plenty of Oscar consideration ads! They just happen to be two years old.
· Cause we're basically a sucker for Videogum's Gabriel Delahaye, here's a video about making the perfect fauxhawk or something.
· Glad to see our fake Bruno title is alive and well Down Under. It. Won't. Die.
· Speaking of Australia—like, no offense, but can't you get some less freakish-looking celebrities for your movie premieres?

Eerily Lifelike 'Scarface' Tribute Premieres in Ohio Jail [Crime And Punishment]

Posted: November 18th, 2008, 8:35pm EST by STV

We thought the cult of Scarface — from the quaint, Capone-influenced 1932 original to the salty, bloody 1983 remake and ultimately the 2006 video game — might have struck its apex with the recent publication of the must-read survey Scarface Nation:The Ultimate Gangster Movie and How It Changed America. But another, far less-touted symbol of the gangster story's grip on our national imagination emerged Monday in the unlikeliest of places: Montgomery County, Ohio, where a newly booked suspect struck us with not only the greatest name-homage in film history, but also an uncanny felony cocaine possession rap. Seriously — the video game is great and everything, but this is attention to detail. Click through for a full-size glimpse. [TSG]

Check Your Wolfkid For Nits [Watch, TiVo, Kill]

Posted: November 18th, 2008, 8:04pm EST by McCluskey and Miller

It's a mixed bag tonight, and despite what we learned from last night's Silverman-Rose man-grapple, the world of television programming still holds many delightful mysteries, from androgynous best friend candidates to wolf children.

WATCH

Paris Hilton's My New BFF [10 PM, MTV] - This week Paris invites some BFF rejects back to makeover the remaining contestants before they strut it at a fashion show. Later the girls try to raise money using only a bucket and a cardboard cutout of Paris. Fingers crossed that Onch is one of the returning airheads.

My Shocking Story: Real Wolf Kids [8 PM, TLC] - This show has been circled in red on our calendar since early September months. Tonight's hour long show profiles kids with hypertrichosis or "werewolf syndrome," a rare condition that causes a lot of bodily hair growth. For you hairy people out there - Yes, you, one locker over at Gold's - do not start saying you have this to justify not waxing your shoulders.

The Colbert Report [11:30 PM, Comedy Central] - The first 15 minutes of this show compete head-to-head with Letterman's first quarter-hour and this week Colbert is winning, thanks in large part to a strong run on the Campbell's-Progresso War. Tonight, singer-songwriter Paul Simon promotes his new book of song lyrics.

TiVo

Man Caves [10 PM, DIY] - We wanted to make a bunch of gay jokes about man caves here but SNL already used all of them. DIY's Jason Cameron and former NFL defender Tony Siragusa help men create man-centric rooms that will really annoy their wives.

The Even Stevens Movie [8 PM, Disney] - For all of you Shia LaBeouf fanatics, check out tonight's flashback to a life before Disturbia and Transformers. The Stevens family thinks they are getting a free island vacation, but they end up the subject of a new reality television show. Not unlike Survivor, but with more jokes.

KILL

Glamour's 20 Wedding Do's and Don'ts [8 PM, Style Network] - 90% of your high school graduating classes are either married or engaged, so turn into this moving/talking magazine article to know what they are and aren't doing correctly. Or clean your bathroom.

Possessed Serial Killer Deidre Hall Loses 'Days' Gig In Soap Opera Restructuring [The Power Of Tide Compels You!]

Posted: November 18th, 2008, 7:47pm EST by Seth

It's true: Soap Opera Digest reports that Deidre Hall, who's played Days of Our Lives's Dr. Marlena Evans for 32, um, colorful years, has been let go along with longtime screen partner Drake Hogestyn, aka John Black. Deidre was your run-of-the-mill soap diva until insane genius writer/producer James E. Reilly (himself a resent casualty of a more permanent, God-mandated downsizing) took over and incorporated Satan-rape into the proceedings. In Marlena's memory, we revisit the classic Days exorcism scene, featuring Hogestyn as the vomit-splattered Man of God sent to drive out the ratings-goosing demons. It might be daytime TV, but this is some effectively scary shit—particularly when she starts stabbing her privates with an Itty Bitty Book Light. Video after the jump.

Huge DAYS Casting News! [soapoperadigest.com]

New Chuck Norris Fact: Thinks Gays Are Anarchists [Proposition 8]

Posted: November 18th, 2008, 6:55pm EST by Kyle Buchanan

If there's one thing Chuck Norris is good for, it's the 1995 canine buddy cop movie Top Dog. If there are two things Chuck Norris is good for, we would have to think long and hard to come up with a second thing, as we've already disavowed the campy appeal found in Walker: Texas Ranger (for it led to Paul Haggis) and Norris's political endorsements (for it led to this). Still, Norris continues to press on with the politics, and now he has contributed an article to the conservative website Town Hall that bashes gay people rallying against Proposition 8. It is entitled, "If Democracy Doesn't Work, Try Anarchy." Let's have a look!

Bitter activists simply cannot accept the outcome as being truly reflective of the general public. So they have placed the brainwashing blame upon the crusading and misleading zealotry of those religious villains: the Catholics, evangelical Protestants, and especially Mormons, who allegedly are robbing the rights of American citizens by merely executing their right to vote and standing upon their moral convictions and traditional views. [...]

The truth is that the great majority of Prop. 8 advocates are not bigots or hatemongers. They are American citizens who are following 5,000 years of human history and the belief of every major people and religion: Marriage is a sacred union between a man and a woman. Their pro-Prop. 8 votes weren't intended to deprive any group of its rights; they were safeguarding their honest convictions regarding the boundaries of marriage.

Yes, and Norris respects those boundaries of marriage, which is why he has already been married, divorced, and remarried, and why he has a daughter he didn't meet until she turned 26 because she was the result of an extramarital affair. Chuck, Chuck, Chuck: gay people want to have that too! How can you be so unfair to deprive two people who love each other the privilege of runing marriage from the inside?

[Photo Credit: AP]

If Democracy Doesn't Work, Try Anarchy [TownHall]

CSI: Diddy. CBS announced today that Sean ... [Cameos]

Posted: November 18th, 2008, 6:47pm EST by STV

CSI: Diddy. CBS announced today that Sean Combs has agreed to a two-episode guest-starring stint on CSI: Miami, in which the versatile rapper/mogul/actor "will portray a prosecutor who doesn't get along with police Lt. Horatio Caine, played by David Caruso." Little else was disclosed about his appearance beyond a note that Diddy's episodes will air in mid-winter before his character is vanquished in short order in a dramatic, best-of-five, shades-shedding duel with Caruso. [AP]

The Frigid 50 Runs Cold. We used to look ... [Katherine Heigl]

Posted: November 18th, 2008, 6:26pm EST by Seth

The Frigid 50 Runs Cold. We used to look forward to Film Threat's annual Frigid 50—their "line-up of the least-powerful, least-inspiring, least-intriguing people in Hollywood"—but a quick perusal of this year's countdown led us to wonder if the list itself hasn't become the nippily uninspired equivalent of shrunken wizard naughties. It tops out with a desperate cry for publicity by naming Heath Ledger Hollywood's most frigid—he's dead! Do you see how outrageous a claim that is?!—but it's the other occupants of the top ten that leave us even colder. Carmen Electra? Star Wars? Pacino and DeNiro in separate entries? This list's dead on arrival. Shoulda been you, Heigl. Oh wait—you're there too, quite predictably, at #3. [Film Threat]

'Roman Polanski' Snubbed, Werner Herzog Avenged in Early Oscar Jockeying [Oscars]

Posted: November 18th, 2008, 6:00pm EST by STV

The lauded, mishandled film Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired saw its high Oscar hopes perish Monday when the Academy announced its shortlist of candidates for this year's Best Documentary Feature prize. It joined other conspicuous snubs including the year's top-grossing doc Religulous and the follow-up doc from last year's winner Alex Gibney. But there's a bit of extra sting afflicting Wanted and Desired, which compellingly challenged Polanski's 1978 rape conviction and eventual exile in Paris and was a Sundance darling before HBO acquired it for broadcast last summer. As you might recall, that could have gone better — both then and now.

The network's attempt to qualify the film for Oscar consideration — by burying it for a week in the farthest reaches of L.A. and Manhattan — denied it the "true release" Academy voters are fond of; a later theatrical run grossed less than $60,000 and hastened its fade from Oscar consideration. Religulous pulled the same stunt prior to premiering at Toronto in September; it fared better with Lionsgate behind it, earning $12.5 million since its release Oct. 1.

But that's about all the gold it'll get. On the bright side, Werner Herzog is a step closer to his first Oscar nomination; the Bavarian maverick was shortlisted for his quirky Antarctic adventure Encounters at the End of the World. Any fan of his jilted 2005 classic Grizzly Man will agree justice delayed remains justice denied, but every bit helps. He'll face old pal and '04 winner Errol Morris, whose Iraq doc Standard Operating Procedure was shortlisted as well and whose vying against Herzog for an Oscar is itself the surreal, cerebral stuff of a feature-length doc in the making. Or at least we hope so; those guys film everything.

Oscar's feature doc list down to 15 [THR]

Snoop Dogg On 'Martha': A Gizzle Thizzle [Holiday Blunt Paper Stenciling]

Posted: November 18th, 2008, 5:36pm EST by Seth

We're not going to spill any digital ink describing Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg as unlikely compadres. After all, if you can't see how these two herb-aficionado ex-cons fit snuggly into the same gangsta pod—both enjoying nothing more than kicking back after a long day of baking and wreath-construction with a blunt the size of a corncob and getting fucked up for real in this bitch—then you probably don't deserve to be here. On today's Martha, Snoop popped by. Martha introduced him by reading aloud her many correspondences from the hip-hop titan:

· "Hello Martha. It's Snoop Dogg. What did you do? Hit me back when you get a moment. Stay sweet."
· "Hey, M.S. It's Snoop Dogg says hi and seein' how you doing. Hollah back. Boo."
· "I would love to hang out with you whenever time permits. I dig your style, M.S. For real, for real. So hit me back when you are free for me. Be sweet and stay [blank blank]. Yours truly, Snoop Dogg."

They then moved on to that time-tested gangsta dick-measuring contest known as comparing posses—his is more physically intimidating, but hers are far better at frothing egg whites—before diving into the potato-mashing task at hand. HuffPo has the video.

Snoop Dogg And Martha Stewart Laugh, Cook, Compare Posses (VIDEO) [HuffPo]

Reality Bites: We've been agitating for ... [Winona Ryder]

Posted: November 18th, 2008, 5:02pm EST by Kyle Buchanan

Reality Bites: We've been agitating for a while to get an image of Winona Ryder donning her Vulcan ears as Spock's mom for J.J. Abrams's new film Star Trek: Underwear, and thanks to /film's helpful selection of big still frames from the trailer, we got what we wanted — almost. Yes, that's the first image of Ryder in character, but the "babuschka chic" look covers her...wait, what's that? Spock's mom is human, not Vulcan? Then we have no earthly explanation for how the 37-year-old Ryder apparently popped out Spock's portrayer, 31-year-old Zachary Quinto, at age six. [/film]

Spike Jonze Relates 'Wild Things' Delays to Bad Case of Gender Confusion [Creative Differences]

Posted: November 18th, 2008, 4:37pm EST by STV

Where the Wild Things Are director Spike Jonze recently gave his most expansive interview yet about his troubled, tortured, presumed-dead and reanimated fantasy epic, which Warner Bros. is now committed to opening Oct. 19, 2009. And while light-treading Jonze makes his biggest statement about the delay by offering virtually no statement at all, a teasing philosophical aside about his young star Max Records summarizes pretty much all you need to know about Jonze v. Warners:

I think that’s what freaked the studio out about the movie too. It wasn’t a studio film for kids, or it wasn’t a traditional film about kids. We didn’t have like a Movie Kid in our movie, or a Movie Performance in a Movie Kid world. We had a real kid and a real world, and I think that’s sort of where our problem was. In the end they realized the movie is what it is, and there’s no real way to... it’s sort of like they were expecting a boy and I gave birth to a girl.

[Laughs] So they just needed their time to sort that out and figure out how they were going to learn to love their new daughter.

It could have been worse, Spike: We hear Baz Luhrmann's newborn faced a full-blown sex-change over at Fox.

Moriarty Sits Down With Spike Jonze... [AICN]

Emma Thompson Graphically Mauled By Stuffed Animal on 'Letterman' [Late Show With David Letterman]

Posted: November 18th, 2008, 4:20pm EST by Kyle Buchanan

newVideoPlayer("/Emma_Thompson_Attack.flv", 506, 423,""); Naturally, we at Defamer think the world of Emma Thompson — after all, who doesn't? (Don't answer that, Branagh.) Still, we didn't expect much from her appearance last night on Letterman; maybe some cute banter, some veddy English trilling, but certainly nothing on the level of Helen Mirren's "I'm a crazy British woman" press tour.

However, Thompson immediately bucked our expectations by marching onto the set while brawling with a stuffed fox who would not let go until it got a firm disavowal of Love Actually. Sure, Thompson was most likely satirizing Letterman's previous guest, who had survived an animal attack on her own, but we prefer to think of Thompson's stunt as a singular, non sequitur bid for attention. You've won this round, Thompson. Now go do something at Ellen's dunk tank and we can really crank it up.

Late Show [CBS]

Knowledge That David Archuleta Reads Defamer Makes Life Worth Living [David Archuleta]

Posted: November 18th, 2008, 3:58pm EST by Seth

newVideoPlayer("/Defamer_Name_Drop.flv", 506, 423,""); Finally coming out to the world as a David Archuleta fan has made a huge difference in our day to day lives—we just feel lighter and happier, as if we can finally start being the real us, instead of keeping up some ridiculous charade of what society expects a grown man living in Silver Lake to have on his iPod. But never, in our wildest Archie-loving dreams, did it ever occur to us that he might actually...know we exist.

Well, apparently he does, as an interview conducted by Kathy Griffin backstage at The Bonnie Hunt Show today revealed that Archuleta read our track-by-track review of his debut CD, or at least glanced at the video of girls reacting to his real-time defeat at the top of the page. (A reader tells us Kathy also name dropped us on the air, so we feel we owe her something in return: "Your rack is banging in that Hello Kitty shirt." There.) According to Arch, he was led to the post by his bestubbled vanquisher, David Cook—suggesting Cook reads Defamer as well. Enh, whatever. That's cool, we guess. [Kathy Griffin's MySpace]

Tearful Britney Spears Misses the 'Excitement' Of Being Totally Fucking Crazy [Britney Spears]

Posted: November 18th, 2008, 3:28pm EST by Kyle Buchanan

It's rare that a stage-managed pop star can break free of her chains, but all of America bore witness to a time in Britney Spears's life when a gum-smacking "Y'all!" became a Klonopin-chomping "Y'allllllll." Now, Spears appears to be back on the wagon and of sound mind, body, and hair, but she confesses in the new documentary Britney: For the Record that she almost prefers the bald ol' days:

In a new fly-on-the-wall documentary she tearfully admits: “There’s no excitement, there’s no passion.

“I have really good days, and then I have bad days. Even when you go to jail you know there’s the time when you’re gonna get out.

“But in this situation, it’s never ending. It’s just like Groundhog Day every day.”

She says: “I think it’s too in control. If I wasn’t under the restraints I’m under, I’d feel so liberated. When I tell them the way I feel, it’s like they hear but they’re really not listening...I never wanted to become one of those prisoner people. I always wanted to feel free.”

Though we feel for Spears, we hope she can at least put her Groundhog Day-itis to good use. Think of what she could achieve by using that neverending loop to master the piano, save Lynne Spears from buying the same terrible Ed Hardy blouse every day at Kitson, and discover enough about ex-husband Kevin Federline (fun fact: he cries at the end of each episode of Kitchen Nightmares) to woo him back into her good, Cheeto-streaked graces.

[Photo Credit: x17]

Britney: My new life is worse than jail [The Sun]

'Heroes' Still Failing To Attract Viewers, Be Good [Trade Roundup]

Posted: November 18th, 2008, 3:12pm EST by Seth

· CBS's Monday night sitcom lineup won the night, with How I Met Your Mother earning a season high. NBC saw modest gains, too, except for Heroes, which matched last week's series low of 7.6 million. Bring back the slovenly puppeteer! His powers to enact drama-class exercises were kick ass! [THR]
· The King of Kong and Four Christmases director Seth Gordon is attached to Universal's Suicide Squad, about a Kentucky Derby heist. [THR]
· Cosby brought him here, now it's time for Obama to do some TV landscape changing of his own: NBC is developing a sitcom based on the book Making Friends With Black People. "It seemed like a good opportunity to strike while the iron is hot," said author Nick Adams. Sounds like a great idea. [Variety]

After the jump: Whoa. Whooaa.

· Warners is producing Control-Alt-Delete, a high-concept spec described as Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure meets The Matrix. [THR]
· Yahoo CEO Jerry Yang is stepping down from his post. Farewell, Jerry Yang. We hardly knew ye. [Variety]

Itchiest Catch. FremantleMedia North America ... [Billy Kemp]

Posted: November 18th, 2008, 2:52pm EST by Seth

Itchiest Catch. FremantleMedia North America is looking to acquire Thom Beers' Original Prods., the makers of reality hits like Deadliest Catch and Ice Road Truckers. Said Fremantle VP of casting and talent Billy Kemp, "We're thrilled at the prospect of absorbing Thom Beers and his roster of hard-working, blue-collar manly men into the Fremantle fold." [THR]

BREAKING: Miley Cyrus Not Dead, Says Miley Cyrus [Conspiracies]

Posted: November 18th, 2008, 2:28pm EST by STV

newVideoPlayer("/Miley_Hack_Daily10.flv", 506, 423,""); Miley Cyrus hackers continue to represent one of the fastest-growing segments of the American tech sector, returning to haunt the Disney superstar once again over the weekend. This time around, however, the ambitious intruder bypassed Miley's generically scandalous shirt-chomping escapades in favor of spreading the much more dire gossip that she was dead. Spoiler alert: She's not! But that doesn't mean she won't seek vengeance anyway.

E! saw through the stunt, blowing a golden opportunity to welcome Miley's ghost to last night's Daily 10. Instead, host Michael Yo gave the whole game away from the start, prompting a gaping incredulity that Miley's BFF Mandy soon mitigated with her urgent MySpace update: "MILEY IS OK!! Some1 hacked our youtube account." Miley is naturally shocked, and the search is on to track down the culprit, despite investigators' lengthening list of suspects with both opportunity and motive. We'd look closely at Disney ourselves; Bolt can't rocket to number one this weekend on John Travolta's goateed charm alone.

'Daily 10' [E!]

Millions Have Fought For Whoopi Goldberg's Right To Not Know What 'Suffrage' Means [The View]

Posted: November 18th, 2008, 2:02pm EST by Kyle Buchanan

newVideoPlayer("/TheView_On_Suffrage.flv", 506, 423,""); Today on The View, Whoopi Goldberg (dressed as a Navajo jewelry saleswoman from Tuba City, Arizona) continued to press the topic that has quickly proved to be the show's brand-new, post-election argument starter: same-sex marriage.

Very little has changed in the hosts' positions (and Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Sherri Shepherd continue to advance the idea that gay marriage means that churches will be sued, dismantled, and rebuilt into Abercrombie & Fitch superstores), but at least Goldberg was kind enough to start things off on a new level of inanity by confessing that this "suffrage" thing that people have wanted throughout history? She's not really sure what that is! Maybe it's about suffering? Kinda sounds like it! "I guess it's when black people had to, you know, they didn't want to die for being black," Shepherd offers. Yeah, it's either that or the right to vote. You know, whichevs!

The View [ABC]

When Ben Met Charlie: A Defamer Original Fanfic [Fanfic]

Posted: November 18th, 2008, 1:28pm EST by Seth

newVideoPlayer("/Charlie_Rose_Ben_Silverman.flv", 506, 423,""); We honestly wish there was some way we could dress up NBC rock star Ben Silverman's appearance on Charlie Rose last night as something more than two talking heads—albeit enviably bone-structured heads—covering the nuts and bolts of programming strategy in a 21st century, multi-platform TV jungle. Unfortunately, there isn't. So we're instead going to do the next best thing: Write some Ben on Charlie fanfic. It's after the jump!

When Ben Met Charlie

Chapter One: First Impressions

Charlie sat in his dressing room, staring into his mirror with a paper-towel bib tucked into his shirt collar, as Joy the makeup girl dabbed concealer beneath his eyes.
"No point, Joy," he said. "Couldn't hide those puffy things with cement and a trowel."
"Oh Charlie," she laughed. "Don't be so hard on yourself. You're as handsome as ever."
Why was he so self-conscious? He was a broadcast icon. He had interviewed heads of state, captains of industry, sports heroes and movie stars. Yet none of them disarmed him the way today's guest did—a young, handsome and charismatic network TV president whose swift rise to power he had admired from afar.
A knock at the door shook Charlie back into the moment.
"Come in," he said.
The first thing he saw were the brows—strong and angular, and peaked towards the ends. Then he wandered slightly downward, to the nose. It was a powerful nose—a hit-sniffing nose if he had ever seen one. For a split second, he migrated up to the eyes—mesmerizing!—but quickly landed on his visitor's full, cranberry lips. They opened to speak.
"Charlie—"
"Ben!" Charlie said leaping up, pulling his bib out of his shirt as he threw out a hand. Ben took it in his. It felt strong, Charlie thought, and large. New, yet familiar. It was comforting. Suddenly feeling extraneous, Joy used the moment to slink out of the room.
"I just wanted to say hello before the interview."
"Of course, of course—please, come in. Have a—" he looked around nervously for a chair, and spotted one leaning against a shelf filled with hardcover books, most only barely thumbed through. "Have a seat! Are you a scotch man?"
"Tequila, usually, but scotch will do in a pinch," Ben replied, smiling.
A knock at the door alerted both men they were needed on set.

Next: Chapter 2: A Game of Wits And Footsie

charlierose.com

Echoes of Sobs, Shrieks, Ticket Demands Hang in Air on Morning After 'Twilight' Premiere [Blood Red Carpet]

Posted: November 18th, 2008, 1:00pm EST by STV

A cultural state of emergency was declared last night in Westwood, where those bulging queues outside the Mann Village became a full-blown tween riot commemorating Twilight's world premiere. Braver souls than we ventured into the shrieking maw of the beast, passing along word of a vampire-romance circus, black market and — God help us — an unofficial sequel announcement from the carpet. The whole bloody recap, after the jump:

· The hundreds of Twilight freaks awaiting Monday's premiere became 2,500 by early evening, when studio reps at Summit Entertainment began shuffling ticketholders into the Village and the Bruin Theater down the street. The cops on the scene cited controlled but respectful chaos between hails of rubber bullets and urgent calls for bourbon reinforcements.

· Meanwhile, last-minute ticket procural became a full-contact sport around town, reported THR:

All around town Monday, agency and studio assistants were frantic as they tried to secure for their bosses, all with expectant children waiting at home, both screening and party tickets. [...] We even got a few calls from suburban moms — now you know they're reaching — assuring us their tween daughters were "very talented journalists" and could we please, just please, make a few calls and see if we could get their daughters in.

Nice try, Denise Richards.

· Back outside, co-stars Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart met their tearful fans, some of whom had come from as far as Honduras to gulp wildfire air and squeal urgent, carpet-side appeals to "bite them." And that was just the Entertainment Weekly staff. Nevertheless, the humble principals met attendees halfway with all the routine autograph/posing/hugs expected from the stars, with director Catherine Hardwicke putting a gold-plated gun to the franchise's head, teasing the moment when it all deafeningly cycles back a few years from now:

"The fans have to really come out in force if they want to see a second movie, because that book will be twice as expensive to make than the first because of the werewolves and special effects. Realistically, this one has to make $150 million to make the financiers think it is worthwhile. If this crowd is any indication, I have high hopes, but I’m also not uncrossing my fingers.”

· THR also notes that Seth Green, Larry David and Jamie Foxx were among the celeb guests getting touch with their inner 14-year old girl at the afterparty. Suckers.

English Language Begins Long Path To Recovery As Courtney Love Quits Blogging [Promises, Promises]

Posted: November 18th, 2008, 12:34pm EST by Kyle Buchanan

We all have Facebook status updates we'd like to take back or 3am emails we shouldn't have sent, but for Courtney Love, the bar for internet humiliation is considerably higher. Luckily, our girl Court is nothing if not ambitious on the self-immolation front, and over the weekend, she topped her "Yay for Proposition 8!" fiasco with around 40 blog posts on her Myspace page that hinted at suicidal feelings and a love of clothes. In other words: nothing new, but oh, the frequency! Now, Love has posted a Perez Hilton-directed epilogue in which she renounces blogging and blames the bad reception to her Myspacepalooza on a whisper campaign started by Madonna:

i apologize for the barrage of links , they didn't turn out the way i assumed style.com made it seem they would, as an illustrated story about how depression can attack anyone anywhere, and no i am not suicidal, occasionally very occasionally like all of us i get depressed, and that was over a year ago and i had a mini little depression attack well big one, and the Lanvin show made me happier.

...Perez its great you got to spend the week with midge i mean madge but i have this strange feeling your all of the sudden feeling a pull to insult me to please her, that's ridiculous,(in my humble opinion), in any case if shes talking or even vibing nasty comments about me, that's not very "letting in of the light" etc,of her, we have many mutual friends and as she says to me "My Parachute is Open" to her when we cross paths, and i now have a stylist who has refused to leave me for her, unlike before, that's really the only issue between us . that of employee and more important than employee stylist snatching. I have the perfect stylist for me, she has someone for her, i have also never used you when i have "needed" you, and played that card, as i just don't do that.

...Im sorry if anyone fell over and broke thier ankles in the reading of my "barrage" which i should have checked my space to see they were all going to be illustrated in one blog, i sometimes get pissed about the ridiculous nonsense and theft and share a teesny bit of it, yep a teensy bit, but basically im off blogging because you've upset my kid and embarrassed her and so have i, so ive apologized to her i hope you will too.

...have fun listening to "Miles Away" hey is that guitar plugged in? did i hear right that you said what ive been dying to say wich is straight up told her to get the thing off? thank YOU. shes a great dancer and performer and puts on great shows ( from what i hear) ( its not my thing musically) but when i see a guitar with no lead and it s not in the mix of the song i just think "BIG WOODEN NECKLACE" ALL I KNOW IS I SPENT MANY MANY MANY hours learning to play over many years and i still suck pretty hard but i write songs on it and it matters to me, guitars.

You matter to us, ghost flapper. We're a little broken-hearted that Courtney Love claims to be "off" blogging, but somehow we think that the next Marc Jacobs collection combined with a new really really good prescription might send her out of retirement, Jay-Z style.

[Photo Credit: X17]

oh perez!!II [Courtney Love]

ScarJo On LiLo's Stall Wall Takedown: 'Whoa, What, Who Are You? [Feuds]

Posted: November 18th, 2008, 12:02pm EST by Seth

Back at the start of 2006, Gawker ran one of those classic shock-starlet items that just tends to stick with you: Lindsay Lohan and new best friend Kate Moss, doing their part to prop up the Colombian economy, stumbled into a New York bar bathroom, whereupon Lohan reportedly asked if anyone had a Sharpie. Someone did. She then wrote something not very nice about Scarlett Johansson, which, according to photographic evidence, went something like, "Scarlett is a bloody cunt / L / Peace and love / [illegible] / fucker." Almost three years later, Scarlett was asked to address the vulgar communiqué in an interview with Allure

"I really don't know that person. I only met her, like three times in my life,"

Of that incident, Scarlett says, "That's what I heard. I don't know what the motivation was behind that. I remember it was something really vulgar—I mean, shockingly so, like 'Whoa, what, who are you?'"

Of course, Scarlett knows exactly who that person is, and could probably even hazard a guess at her motives: At the time of the snort-by C-wording, Johansson was coming off Woody Allen's well-received Match Point, and had several prestige projects in the pipeline. Lohan, meanwhile, was waiting out the long dry spell between her dehydration-plagued work in Herbie Fully Loaded and Just My Luck—a career drought interrupted